News & Views
School Counselors Share Advice on ‘The Art and Science of Transitions’ at Latest PA Parent Talk
School Psychologist Rebecca Comizio and School Counselor Nora Goddard spoke about “The Art and Science of Transitions: How to Stay Present while Preparing for Change” at an April 18 Parents’ Association Parent Talk. They offered practical tips to the approximately 50 parents in attendance on how to help children of all ages manage small daily transitions, for example, between school and home, as well as larger transitions such as moves or family changes.
They encouraged parents to see each transition as an opportunity for children to build cognitive flexibility and coping skills that will serve them for years to come.
“If you give kids the tools now to manage anxiety, refrain from catastrophic thinking and focus on the positive, they are much less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety disorders down the line. A positive attitude toward change will serve a child well both now and throughout life. Every transition can become their template for future change,” said Ms. Goddard.
When it comes to helping children prepare for change, Ms. Goddard encouraged parents to prepare children as much as possible, to create consistency where practical and to continually practice their own cognitive flexibility.
“The reason transitions are hard for children is that they require mental flexibility of dealing with the unknown and using previously learned skills to be applied in new or unknown situations,” said Mrs. Comizo. “In order to understand why this is hard for kids, it's helpful to push yourself to be flexible also by trying new routines or learning something new yourself.”
When it comes to talking with children about upcoming changes, such as starting a new school, going away to camp or even taking the bus for the first time, it is important to talk through the impending change in great detail.
“Be as honest and direct as possible,” advised Ms. Goddard. “If it is a move, describe what the new town and new house will be like. If it is a new school, describe what you know about the school, the classroom and the teacher. If it is a divorce situation, explain as accurately as you can what the child’s life and routine will be like once the divorce occurs. The more the child knows what to expect, the less likely his fears are to run amok.”
She counselors also encouraged parents to emphasize what will remain the same during the period of change, to create a bridge, such as a “welcome book” for an adoptive child, and to ask children directly about their thoughts and feelings.
“Ask children what they fear about the impending change,” she said. “ You may be surprised what you hear.”
Mrs. Comizio spoke about the power of co-regulation and advised parents to also be aware of their own reactions to change or to the child’s emotions. “Your child is going to look to you, to try to read the expression on your face. If she is met with calm and encouragement, she will move forward more confidently.”
Finally, Ms. Goddard encouraged parents to talk with children about what good might come out of the change.
“Many times children haven’t even considered that change can be life enhancing and bring about positive experiences. You might want to point out changes in the child’s past that brought positive experiences into the child’s life,” she said.
This PA Parent Talk is part of a year-long parent education series designed in partnership by the school’s Parents’ Association and school administrators.
New Canaan Country School
New Canaan Country School admits students of any race, color, national and ethnic origin and are afforded all the rights, privileges, programs, and activities generally accorded or made available to students at the school and does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, age, sex, sexual orientation, national origin or ancestry, or disability in administration of its educational policies, admissions policies, financial aid policies or any other school-administered programs.
