Parents' Association President-Elect Reflects on Personal Growth

by Jen Kline, P'25, P'27
I’m not going to lie. When Kojo Clarke, Director of Diversity, Equity & Inclusion, asked me to submit a reflection for the DEI newsletter, I was apprehensive. I questioned not only his choice of me as messenger, but whether I had the inner strength to write about something so personal. Because let’s be honest, to truly do this type of work, you have to be brave. You have to allow yourself to be completely vulnerable. You have to be able to admit what you don’t know. This can be scary, intimidating and uncomfortable. But as I’ve learned through my involvement in the Parent DEI Task Force, it doesn’t have to be. Before I tell you more about the task force and my experience with it, let me first tell you why I decided to join.

It all started with the pandemic. Like an approaching storm, I could see the dark Covid cloud closing in on us. There was no denying something was about to happen and very few, if any, of us knew just what to expect. As I imagine was true for many others in 2020, I was feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, sad, confused and afraid. No longer able to spend time with our neighbors, both literal and figurative, it felt as though we were becoming even more disconnected and fearful of one another. Our physical separation seemed to compound the separation our country had already been feeling politically. The pandemic seemed to have turned a spotlight on the disparity and accompanying pain, sadness and anger being felt across the country. I didn’t like the direction it felt like we were heading or the hopelessness that I was feeling, but what could I do? 

Then, last year, Kojo sent an announcement seeking volunteers for a newly formed Parent DEI Task Force. I was genuinely interested in learning more for the sake of my own growth and understanding, but I wondered whether I would be welcomed to join or if I would be considered an imposter, poser or white woman trying to seem woke. I decided to take the risk. 

When I logged onto Zoom for our first “meeting,” I was met by a screen of faces who admitted that they too often felt overwhelmed, confused and lacking any answers, but, like me, were open to learning more. We were all willing to set aside any preconceived notions and bravado in the name of personal growth and support. No baseline knowledge was necessary. In fact, the only prerequisite was the ability to respectfully listen to one another. Moreover, there was an understanding that grace would be afforded to all members as we shared thoughts, questions and ideas. There was a recognition that mistakes are part of the learning process. Accepting that we all came to the group imprinted with our own experiences, there was a belief that no one person had the right answers, but perhaps together we could come up with better, more complete answers. 

DEI isn’t an us versus them. It’s not about who belongs and who doesn’t; who has work to do and who doesn’t. DEI isn’t just about the things we can often see like race or gender. It’s also about the things we can’t always see like religion, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation or ability. It is the individual building blocks that together form our unique identities. DEI is all of us in one form or another. DEI work is part of that lifelong learning that we’re trying to instill in our children. It’s a journey of self-exploration. A journey to be seen, known, heard, accepted and loved for who we truly are without judgment and granting that same kindness to others.  

The time I’ve spent as a part of this group has been a highlight of my time as a parent at NCCS. It has made me more aware of and curious about the blindspots I possess. Although certainly a work in progress, it has altered the lense through which I view the world. If you’re interested in learning more about the Parent DEI Task Force or joining us, please reach out to me, Kojo or any other task force member. 
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New Canaan Country School admits students of any race, color, national and ethnic origin and are afforded all the rights, privileges, programs, and activities generally accorded or made available to students at the school and does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, age, sex, sexual orientation, national origin or ancestry, or disability in administration of its educational policies, admissions policies, financial aid policies or any other school-administered programs.